Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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