Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
