I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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