epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
