I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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