just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
