ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize