someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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