checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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