So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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