i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
