i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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