Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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