Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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