I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
