he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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