Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
