So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
