singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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