he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
