well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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