Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
