Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize