chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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