Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
