babies were throwing up all over the place
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
