; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
