when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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