update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
