I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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