Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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