i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
