I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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