genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
