I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
pray to the hookup gods
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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