I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
