so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We named our party play list daddy issues
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
