i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
