i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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