went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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