"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
