90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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