I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
