It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
