he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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