girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
