I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
organizing the empties. That sober.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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