She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
