Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
honey bunches of taint.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
