Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
