break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
