so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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