I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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