those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
