did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
