doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
