I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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