i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
