I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
