after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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