one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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