Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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