i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
