these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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