i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
