at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
