Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
