i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
