i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
