textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
