LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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