i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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